CHUCK TAKES IN A STRAY,
PAUL AND THE PEANUT GALLERY AND
WHAT’S IN COMPARTMENT 42?
This past weekend, eight Rez Dogs broke down the door on the 2013 racing season at the Fat Tire 40 in beautiful, sunny Fountain Hills, AZ.
1. CHUCK TAKES IN A STRAY. We start the action last week on Tuesday when Chuck Van Drunen, Chuck Whitney and Andy “Bobcat” Stravers played hooky and went for an afternoon ride on the HDT. In the parking lot they bumped into ex-pro roadie, Adam Gaubert, who was on this way from Austin to Durango by way of the HDT. What then ensued was frenzy between CVD and Adam who each tried (unsuccessfully) to beat the other into submission before the night then degenerated into beer, food and tall tales. One of the best stories was Adam describing a training ride with Lance (yeah, that Lance!) where he and some buddies orchestrated a break (does this remind anyone of what Bobcat, CVD and the other young Rez Dog guns pulled on Tim Pikaart back in the day?) only to be caught and hammered by Lance 250 feet from the finish. There was sharp division in the Rez Dog ranks over whether Adam as the newest, albeit temporary, Rez Dog was a good influence on CVD or whether he was bringing out CVD’s dark side tendencies. More on that later.
2. PAUL AND THE PEANUT GALLERY. While CVD, Chuck W., Greg Cavanaugh and Adam went down to Fountain Hills for Saturday’s time trial, Paul Berry, Peter Tempest, Andy and Bob Rosebrough didn’t get out of town until Saturday afternoon. Paul, riding shotgun, was in rare form. He was coming off of 33 straight days of work. (Yeah can you believe that? 33 days straight!) That combined with four Heineken tall boys led to a spot on monologue of hilarious CVD impersonations full of “let’s fire it ups”, “pimps”, “factories”, “I saved XXX grams with my carbon fiber wheels” and “let’s eat salads”. In case you were wondering, Paul was not straddling the fence on this one; he was clearly on the “Adam is causing Chuck to give in to his evil-roadie-dark-side and we need to do an intervention” bandwagon – and the peanut gallery of Peter, Andy and Bob was eating it up.
Time Trial: "The Ledge"
3. THE LULL BEFORE THE STORM. The pack met up in Fountain Hills Saturday near dusk and here is some of the craziness that ensued:
· CVD tried to wrestle Peter to the ground on the manicured lawn at Bobcat’s parents condo as senior citizens gazed in horror – on the verge of cardiac arrest,
· Greg – who has a teen crush on every new ex-pro that lands in town – led the “Adam is great!” bandwagon to counterbalance Paul’s Chuck-needs-an-intervention crusade.
· Adam was nowhere to be seen, because after hanging out for a few days with some fat tire guys he desperately needed a pre-race massage to get his roadie groove back on.
· CVD pulled the ultimate roadie trick of drinking Sprites while the other dogs were downing tall draft beers at dinner.
· Greg commandeered a Basha’s electric shopping cart after dinner and started putting it through the paces while popping down Oreos (will we see a review in the April Journey?).
"How do I sync these Oreos to my iPhone?"
· Paul and his peanut gallery were wondering when CVD would ever find what was planted in compartment 42 of his Gallup-flea market-camelback a month ago at Sedona.
· Bob was urging Paul to hunt down a javelina, leash it to his bike like a sled dog, and then roast and eat it after the race.
4. OH YEAH. THE RACE. Five of the eight Rez Dogs lit it up on Sunday. Here’s the quick results: In a field of 200+, Adam was 15th overall at 2:48, CVD was 22nd overall at 2:50 (in spite of a mysterious time penalty, but much more on that later), Peter was 39th at 3:00, Chuck W. was 67th at 3:11 (in spite of a flat) and Greg was a gutsy 85th at 3:22 while battling through calf cramps. The top three Rez Dogs who signed up for the Open Team category (CVD, Peter and Chuck W.) made the podium with a solid 3rd place performance.
5. TWO DNFS AND ONE DNS. What about Andy, Bob and Paul? Paul, who didn’t register, had a great day on a stunningly beautiful, fast course. He took off well before the start and rode up to the high point near the foot of the McDowell Mountains and then came back with Greg to the finish. Andy, who is one of a very few riders who actually seems to get stronger as a race progresses, was turning up the turbo when he got knocked out by a pinch flat and then another flat when his valve stem came out. He had to walk it in from the road. Bob had a front tire pinch flat on a rocky downhill section that sent him flying over the bars in a heap and ended his race.
CONCLUDING QUESTIONS. What was the mysterious and unexplained one minute penalty that race officials assessed CVD all about? Are pre-race Sprites on the list of performance enhancing drugs for MTB races? Did it have anything to do with how CVD sauntered in fashionably late while Peter held his place at the starting line like a personal valet? Did CVD use an illegal hold in his attempted take down of Peter on the condo lawn? Did Andy and Bob complain to race officials about the terrible tire pressure advice CVD gave them prior to their disastrous pinch flats? Or . . . , heaven forbid, did race officials learn what CVD has been lugging around in compartment 42 of his camelback for the last month? Your guess is as good as ours on this one.